Chapter 16 I don’t want to talk about
I was about to start jogging around the pitch. The weather was warm and the humidity had to be pretty high. I had imagined it being warm when I found out that I had been picked for the national squad but this was almost too much. I watched the others jogging, pulled up my socks and joined in behind them. I tried to focus but the little bit I had was soon gone.
“What’s up with you?” Benedikt asked as he came up t my side.
“What do you mean?” I frowned my forehead and kept on jogging around the football field.
“Well, something is obviously wrong.”
“How do you know that?”
“C’mon, Jule, your thoughts haven’t really been with us and when I say with us, I mean for the entire tournament so far. It’s like you’re somewhere else. I think I can recognise when my friend’s not okay.”
I sighed and ignored him. Tried. “I’m fine and what do you mean with that ‘my thoughts haven’t been with you’?”
Benedikt laughed as we passed the first corner flag. “Really? Then you perhaps can explain why Jogi had to repeat himself several times this morning, JUST because you simply wasn’t paying attention?”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s not my fault that he speaks in a low voice” I mumbled. “Anyway, he wasn’t saying anything special” I said to myself and tried to reject the thoughts that came up to my head. Since I had left Germany, the same thoughts had stroke my mind every single time we were playing, even though I knew she didn’t like me. I idly wondered if Greta watched this. My heart was beating faster and I wanted to blame the heat for it. Every little thing just suddenly pissed me off and reminded me of her. My body felt heavy but I ignored it and kept on running.
Benedikt kept on talking and seemed to not expect any answers from me. Even though he and I was friends, I really didn’t want to talk about it. It just made me feel sad and angry.
We passed the second corner flag.
“So everything’s good then?” Benedikt asked.
“Yupp” I answered, looking down onto the green gras and hoped he didn’t ask anymore questions. I heard the other talking infront of us and Jogi yelling out an order, sounding something like “run faster! You run like my grandmother!”
The heat seemed to become higher and my pulse increased. Gosh, I really need to drink water after this. I soon passed the third corner flag with Benedikt once more coming up behind me. We kept on jogging in silence before Benedikt broke it.
“Is it because of her?” he suddenly asked.
I don’t know why but I suddenly stopped in my tracks. I stopped jogging and just stood there watching him. I was confused, surprised that he had said so but above angry. I didn’t want to talk about it and yet he still asked me.
“Hey, Jule, are you okay-” Benedikt asked.
“You just HAD to say that, didn’t you?!” I said almost too high and angrily, making our other team mates stopping in their movements and looking at us. “And…what the fuck do you mean with her?!” I asked.
“C’mon” Benedikt said and almost laughed. “I’ve seen how you used to look at her.”
I narrowed my eyes.
“Your ‘miss English teacher’. Does it make any bells ring?”
I don’t know why but my brain twitched I got pissed off and more angry than I had been before. I closed my right fist and pointed at him with my index finger. “Never, EVER say that!” I hissed and walked past him, trying to ignore the others’ stares.
“Hey, hey, Julian, where are you going?” Jogi asked.
“I don’t want to talk about it” I hissed at him and ignored the others as I made my way into the dressing room. I sighed and closed my eyes as I sat down on one of the benches. All I really wanted to do was to forget everything about her. I opened my eyes and stared into the with ceiling above. How the hell could I be so stupid and think that she would actually like me? The only thing that was possitive with this whole thing was that I had passed my English test.
I took a towel and whiped away the sweat from my face before I took out my phone from the bag and looked around. I decided to read the news paper but happened to miss-click on advertising for a new gossip magazine. I swore but felt how the blood in my body froze. My heart skipped a beat as I saw the first headline unter the category ‘Sports’. A lump began to form in my throath and I felt how sudden emotions of jealousy, irritation began to flow through my body. I was shocked. I had NEVER been so jealous in my entire life. I stared at the black headline and then on the picture, devoured be jealousy.
“Schalke 04’s coach not just busy with his work but even with the ladies! Could this be the new woman in his life?”
The picture was showing Jens and Greta in a restaurant.
If it had been possible, I would have torn that picture into pieces. Fuck this, I thought and threw my phone back into my bag and fought the jealousy and tears that appeared inside me…